“oh God here am I send me, use me for your glory- I’ll go anywhere, I’ll do anything”
These are the words I have been singing to God for almost a year now, and He took me up on the offer. I recently arrived back to Indonesia and am living at an orphanage. The last ten days have been maybe the hardest days of my life. I wish I was exaggerating, but I’m not. However, that’s not what this post is about because I offered my life to The Lord to use me where He finds most fit, the place that He wants my help with, the people that need to encounter His love. He has brought me to the biggest Muslim country in the world, with the most intense spiritual warfare I have ever experienced, where there’s not a fluent English speaker in sight to talk or connect with. Its hard, there’s no denying it, but I told Him I would go anywhere He needed me, and I am starting to see the purpose behind my time here.
“I can feel the drum of your heartbeat, calling us to be our hands and feet. Rising up with courage in our hearts, to carry out your love to the h a r d e s t and the d a r k”-Lindy Conant
The other day God gave me a picture which has given me a lot of clarity. When this vision started all I saw were wings of an eagle that I knew were God’s. I was underneath the wings where He was fixing me up, dusting me off, and making me look completely new. Then He opened His wings and I flew out as high as I could into the sky, where nothing could stop me – looking more strong and beautiful than ever. He joined me in the sky as we flew all around together. When I was under His wings, it was dark, unknown, and sometimes a little scary. I had no idea what he was doing or what was happening because I couldn’t see anything. I felt completely out of control. He was cleaning, refining, and strengthening me with His strength. Even though the process was messy, confusing, and painful,I would be able to do a lot more and fly higher because of that process. He knows what he is doing, He is not worried, not pressed for time. He takes His time with me to make me the beautiful, strong eagle I was always meant to be, so I can fly with Papa where most don’t dare to go. I can fly with Him, and together we will be unstoppable.
Even though during this season I feel completely in the dark, not having a clue whats happening, what He is doing, or how long ill be here, I can trust that what He is doing in me is good and is for my good. I can trust that His wings are safe like He says they are. I can trust that the process is important so I can become more like Him, strong in Him, and more able to rule with Him than I ever have been. He is stripping away everything I’ve ever known- comfort, food, community, security, control, and safety so that I can become fully reliant on Him, fully satisfied in Him, and fully content with Him despite the circumstances. He is stripping these things away because without them I am stronger, and they won’t be able to hinder me anymore.
“ As I dwell up here where the air is clear. Where the light is bright and there’s no more fear, I know my place, I know my name, I know you’ve called me to great things”- United Pursuit
I now see that through this process and season of hardships, I am going to learn to fight through the spiritual battle. I now see that during this season I will experience things and learn things that will change me forever. My cry is that through this, I grow a sincere, steadfast, and unshakable faith. That as I make it through the suffering and come out on the other side into the light and beauty of the clear sky, I will be unstoppable for the Kingdom. Nothing in the spiritual or physical realm can hinder me.
“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self discipline” 2 Timothy 1:7
So its okay that I am getting attacked because that means that the enemy is upset that the Kingdom is advancing and I’m getting hit because I’m a part of that. So its okay, I’m not gonna stop any time soon. And its okay that in this season I am suffering, physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. I find it a real honor to suffer with Jesus for the sake of the Kingdom. I am learning to genuinely rejoice in the suffering because He is worth it, and its worth advancing the Kingdom even if I am uncomfortable, sad, or lonely. We are all called to carry our cross. To pick up that death instrument and carry it up to the place of execution with Jesus. I had always heard that, but now I realize that I am carrying my cross right next to Jesus. He is in the suffering, what an honor to carry my cross with Him by my side. To partake in that suffering for a little while. To walk through it and say not even the biggest Muslim country in the world can stop me. Not even the roughest conditions can hinder me. Not even complete isolation can impede on the work God is doing in and through me. “After this trip, season, experience, you’ll be unstoppable for the Kingdom” these are the words God has been speaking to me and I believe Him.
“Consider if pure joy, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith produces perseverance” James 1:2-3
“Come what may, I will obey, I find my j o y in bringing you praise” -Lindy Conant
“We will go till the whole world know that Jesus is alive, we will run burning with your love and fire in our eyes” I wont stop, I cant stop.