i am not my brokenness

i am broken, but i am not my brokenness.

Upon returning from Indonesia God gently ushered me into a season i didn’t know i was ready for (still unsure if we are being honest). A season of healing. A season of forgiving. A season of letting God break me down over and over again so that HE can build me back up new. Letting Him chisel away at parts of me that I did not even know existed. And while it hurts like heck; feeling like more than i can bear sometimes, i can rest because i know i never leave my Father’s hands. He carries me and can make beauty from my brokenness.

For as long as i can remember, people have told me to just suppress my pain, hurt, and wounds, and eventually it will all go away. I’ve heard many lies in my life, and this one, like many others, i listened to. For it would make me weak to show my pain. It would make me vulnerable to feel the hurt. It would make me broken to deal with the wounds. In the past i was scared to be those things: weak, vulnerable, & broken. However now i proudly wear them as badges because this is where God wants me. Where i find that He is my only thing, therefore my everything. Where i get to cling to Him like never before. Where i get to find my joy and strength in Him. and let me tell you, it’s a ravishing place to be.

To continuously let God bring me to a state of feeling the pain from my past, and laying my heart down for Him to heal and do His will with, has been rough. I am not going to lie, i have been (and still am) a complete mess-all of the time. Crying, laughing, feeling numb to the world, confused, and more crying. No one prepares you for this, and no one really can. But when i get to the states where i feel like i have lost control, God, in His tender voice, reminds that its a wonderful place to be because I have finally given Him full authority over my life. The enemy attacks hard when one is at this exposed place, but i have felt perfectly relentless love who reminds me who i am when the enemy tells me otherwise.

i am not my pain

i am not my wounds

i am not the wrongs done against me

i am not my past

i am not my brokenness

I am a beloved daughter of the King

Walking in this truth has given me freedom, because i have surrendered all of my false identities to God. He never meant for me to carry this load alone, but desires to carry it all for me, while He excitedly mends my heart and makes me new. Its really a beautiful thing. I do not have to be resentful toward my past anymore because it has brought me to this incredible place with the Lord.

i am broken, but i am not my brokenness

I am a beloved daughter of the King