Thursday night I felt like I was driving to my own funeral. We were on our way to the first of two intense ministry days, exploring the tabernacle, and laying things down on the altar to the Lord. I knew what I was about to do. I was about to make a declaration to the Lord that I would honor forever- because I love Him and He is worthy. We started with a burnt offering which is an absolute surrender to the Lord. I took up many symbolic sacrifices to give to God. I told Him that I give Him my entire life. I WILL go where He tells me to go, I WILL say what He tells me to say, and I WILL do what He tells me to do.
“But I trust in you, Lord; I say ‘You are my God.’ My times are in your hands” Psalm 31:14-15
I knew what I was laying down: my rights, my future, my plans, my desires, and my past for Him to heal, and I was happy to do it for my King. For all I knew He could give those things right back to me, but I needed to give Him control of it all. It was so freeing. We then moved on to sin and guilt offerings; where I repented and was freed from sin that has bound me for years. Man something about public confession, I experienced freedom like I never had before. I am liberated, set free, and completely clean in the eyes of Jesus. I finally let Him in. Fully. I am dead to my old self, and so alive in my new life with Christ.
“Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me” Songs of Solomon 2:13
After this Jesus held me in His arms of grace as I cried at the cross and gave Him my heart and everything I had to offer. He romanced me in His presence and it felt like a marriage ceremony. I had given Him all of me, there is no going back. I made a vow, I am FOREVER His. Wherever He goes I will follow, because we are now one. I signed my life away to Him and I have no regrets because my groom will take care of me, protect me, and love me forever. I am His, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health- even after death we won’t part. After pouring my heart out to Jesus in front of 50 plus people, Jesus took me aside and simply loved on me and told me what he thinks of me: I am pure & clean, I am beautiful, I am important to Him, He is excited to do life with me, I am adventurous, I am free and He will teach me how to walk in His freedom daily, I am perfect the way He has made me, I am called to rule with Him, I am lovely, I am the apple of His eye, I am not worthless or useless, I am not damaged goods, my life has purpose, I am His bride. I have never felt so secure and confident in my identity. I am no longer defined by my past or my future, my pain, my confusion, my sin, or by the country I am in, but in Jesus Christ who has made me new and clean in Him. I’m liberated and I’m never going back. I WILL learn to walk in this truth and freedom every day.
“When I found the one my heart loves, I held him and would not let Him go” Songs of Solomon 3:4
If you are reading this please know the truth of what Jesus says and thinks about you:
You are deeply loved, you are precious, you are priceless, your life DOES have purpose, you are wonderfully made, you are beautiful, you are made perfect, clean, and pure in Him, you are His prized possession, you have value, you are a beloved child of God. Christ has triumphed over the power of sin so that you can be free <3
“I will be glad and rejoice in your love” Psalm 31:7