When I look through my journal from the last few months, the words that I see repeated over and over again are: dwell, nearness, strength, help, peace, sustain. It has been a very full past couple of months. To be very honest, many days have been filled with sorrow and grief. I returned to America feeling pretty low. broken in two. and beaten down. It had been thing after thing. and I was exhausted. BUT through this, I have found the faithfulness of the Lord like never before.
“I’m nothing without you. I’m barely breathing. Your heart is my refuge oh Lord. When I am tired and weak, Lord would you carry me? and when I’m feeling low, would you hold me close? when I am broken in two, pull me through” – United Pursuit
As I’ve had time to reflect and rest, I can see that Jesus has been with me the whole time. He was and still is carrying me and pulling me through. He was and still is sustaining and strengthening. putting me back together, building me new, listening, speaking when necessary, and holding me so tight. he’s been so close the entire time, whether I recognize it or not. he has never let go.
“You’re taking me by the hand again, giving me strength to dance again. Your love changes everything”
What I gathered after spending days on end with the Lord is that I was angry and confused. I questioned his character and promises. surely he hadn’t protected me like it says so many times in the Bible that he would. but what I found was that he never promised that we wouldn’t go through hard times – in fact he guaranteed that we would. he never said we wouldn’t face sorrow, but he said when we do that he would be with us. and he would not necessarily protect us from heartbreak, but protect us while we go through it. he’ll be faithful to deliver us through it and strengthen us in the process.
“For he has not despised my cries of deep despair. he’s my first responder to my sufferings, and he didn’t look the other way when I was in pain. he was there all the time, listening to the song of the afflicted” psalm 22:24
“but now this is what the Lord says: ‘do not fear for I have summoned you by name, you are mine. when you walk through the waters I will be with you and when you pass through the rivers they will not sweep over you. when you walk through the fire, you will not get burned. The flames will not consume you” Isaiah 43
I hear him say to me:
I am with you
I will never leave you
I was with you in the fire
I am with you ever step
The promise isn’t that there will not be suffering, but that he will be with us in the midst of it. He’s my deliverer. he lets me walk through the fire, but he doesn’t let it consume me. he doesn’t leave me there. he leads me out of it. he is with me every step. walking with me, leading, guiding, carrying, pulling me to safety. when im feeling low or discouraged I remember the times he has delivered me before and it gives me confidence that he will do it again. I can trust his faithfulness. he is close and so near. and when my memory fails me I take time to remember all of the other times the Lord has led me to the other side. I remember his faithfulness and I know he will be faithful to do it again – never leaving my side in the process.
I can’t help but smile as I write this because He is so good. so near. so faithful. its a weird dynamic to feel sorrow and joy at the same time and I think its something that ill be exploring for a while. but I can smile even though my heart is hurting because Jesus is good and I can trust that. Its his nearness that’s sustaining me. Its his nearness that I can trust. its his nearness thats strengthening me. its him never ever leaving my side that lets me know that I can trust him. he is so close. he said he’d be close to the broken hearted and he is. and because of that I can smile. I can have joy.
“You are with us every step, feeling what we feel” ~ united pursuit
He never let go. He carried me. He pulled me through. He is close. He is good.
sweet love sustain us
if you are feeling low these days, take heart because Jesus is so so near. he feels what you feel. he’s not absent. he’s right in the midst of the pain and he’ll never leave. he won’t leave you broken. he always restores. let his nearness restore you. let his presence heal you.