October 2017 – J’s Journey

Worth It

“We will go till the whole world knows that Jesus is alive, we will run burning with your love and fire in our eyes” -Lindy Conant

This last week has been the roughest one since I’ve been in Thailand and I’m learning how to embrace the complete brokenness of my heart. Its really a beautiful process to watch your heart be completely torn to shreds on account of another person. And yall, I mean completely.

Last night our outreach team went to a bar we have never gone to before. A closed bar. A go-go bar. A strip club. A brothel. Whatever you want to call it. We have never done outreach in such bars. In fact no one that we know of in all of Pattaya is doing ministry in such bars. They are too dark, there’s too much exposure inside, it’ll be too scarring. I’ve heard it all, but I knew I had to go because there are girls in there that need help just as much as the girls we normally visit. There are precious souls in there that have yet to encounter the love of their creator. They have yet to hear that they are treasured, priceless, and deeply loved. I had to go and share the truth.

We walked up to the blacked out bar as the security guard ushered us in. This place was the most horrible place I’ve ever seen or been in, but I will spare you a lot of the details. They seated us right in front of a stage of half-dressed girls dancing on poles with numbers wrapped around their wrists. The mamasan (female pimp) came over with a laser pointer and asked us which number we wanted. My heart broke. It was so dehumanizing, reducing their identity to a number. The three of us chose the girl we felt God was leading us to. For the sake of privacy we will call her “Hope”. Hope came and sat with us. We got to know each other over a couple glasses of coke. We told her we were 20 years old and with a huge smile she said “same same I 20 also”. At that moment I couldn’t quite comprehend how I was sitting with a beautiful girl my age who somehow got trapped in the sex industry and I couldn’t help but wonder how she ended up there instead of me. How am I lucky enough to not be in that situation, because I very well could be. Why is she there forced into prostitution every day and I am over here free as can be. How does that work. Sometimes I take my freedom for granted. That could so easily be me in there selling myself for sex.

We got to spend about an hour with Hope, laughing and getting to know each other. As she leaned into me with embrace, I looked down to her hand that had been holding mine all night and I saw the number wrapped around her wrist that we had been asked to identify her with at the beginning. I saw her hand and the number and I saw my hand and my thumb ring that quotes Jeremiah 29:11. At that moment I knew God was not done with her yet. He has a plan for her life. She is not too far gone-she is completely clean and pure through Him and He is not done with her yet.

“’For I know the plans I have for you’ says the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and future” Jer 29:11

When we are on outreach we are not allowed to show on our faces that we are upset, sad, or angry. The only way I was able to keep it together when I was in there seeing what was happening and the daily realities of these precious girls, was knowing that even this one hour with Hope was worth all the horrors my eyes were seeing and all the sorrows my heart was feeling. The fact that one girl felt loved and actually cared about for the first time in who knows how long made going in there completely worth it. As awful and hard as it was, I don’t regret going, and I will continue to go see Hope and girls like her to speak truth, because they are worth it. Despite what Hope hears on a daily basis as men ask her how much for sex, she IS priceless and Jesus has paid it all for her already, she just doesn’t know it yet. She will soon. She doesn’t yet know that she is free to be a daughter of the King and that’s the only thing that defines her. She doesn’t know she is royalty and worth so much more than selling herself for sex daily. She doesn’t know that she has other options than this. She will know all of this soon as we continue to visit her and spend time with her, allowing God to minister His love to her. She is worth having my heart broken over and over again as I see the truth of human trafficking happen to my new sweet friend. And God is worthy of me going back into these bars to bring His light and glory and claim His victory over each one of these girls. Its all so WORTH IT. Its worth the pain, the heart ache, the uncomfortable settings, all to see one person feeling loved.

Jesus you are worth it all, every nation, and every SOUL.

“We fix our eyes on your nail pierced hands that say ‘it is finished, it is done, you’re purchased with my blood’”. -Lindy Conant, Every Nation

Beautiful Mess

After living in the sex tourism capital of the world for three weeks, today is the first day I feel like I can begin to adequately write about some of what has been going on.

Here in Pattaya Thailand I am working with an organization called Shear Love International that helps provide educational opportunities for people desiring to leave the sex industry. They offer a beauty and barber school to train men and women to be certified in hair dressing; therefore giving them the opportunity for a better future. While I have been here I have been doing an assortment of jobs including English teaching and social media admin, but most heavily I’ve been going on bar outreach. This is what God has laid on my heart for a while now and He brought me here in perfect timing to join the outreach team. We have been going to the bars (which all double as brothels) to find students for the next school year of Shear Love. People that are trapped in this industry but desire to leave. While there are people trafficked here from all over the world, a lot of the Thai people working in the bars or streets are there because they have no other options. They have children and families they need to provide for and because a lot of them are uneducated and the demand for sex in this city is so high- countless men and women come here from all over Thailand to find work- some coerced and lied to, others sold by their parents at a young age, and still others coming knowing full well what is to come. After walking the streets of the red light district countless times I have seen unthinkable things, I have heard some of the most gut wrenching stories, and I have experienced some of the most uncomfortable situations. Still yet, as the Lord continues to reveal to me His heart for this place, I have seen some of the most beautiful transformations, heard some of the most intensely God glorifying testimonies, and experienced some of the most hopeful moments.

One night after we walked through the red light district, we met for a prayer and worship night in the top floor of a building overlooking what is known to be the worst street in Pattaya. That night I let the horrors break me. I remember as we were praying and worshiping from late that night to early morning, I began to realize the severity of sex trafficking, the intensely intimidating reality. As I was crying out to God we were singing “I give it all to you God trusting that you’ll make something beautiful out of me”. I heard God speaking to me saying that I need to trust Him to make something beautiful out of this. This horrible mess. I remember Him asking me to let go of control and trust that He will in fact make something wonderful out of Pattaya. Out of these streets. Out of each person involved in the human trafficking happening here. And as a sweet friend reminded me tonight, God can only make beautiful things, He cannot make anything that’s ugly. So when He is working, it has to be toward something good and beautiful!

There are some days I feel okay and think maybe I’ve gotten the hang of this place but then there’s other days like today where it all hits at once. Where I wake up with the heaviest heart remembering all that I’ve seen and heard in the streets, bars, and brothels in the past week. I’m thankful God has called me to minister in literally one of the darkest places on earth. I come alive in the bars when I’m talking to the girls that are selling themselves. While my heart breaks for them, I’m so honored that God has trusted me with the task of being their friends, encouraging them, and sharing His intentional love with them. I’m still struggling with a lot however. Like how to have grace and love for the five Indian men that just purchased one girl for the night. Or how to process seeing the mother that’s selling clothes on the side of the road also willing to sell her own daughter if someone asked. Or perhaps how to react when a man approaches you thinking you’re for sale. It’s a lot and I don’t know what I’m doing half the time but I’m beyond honored to be here working along God to make something incredibly beautiful and wonderful out of this place.

So I’m learning to trust His promise that He’s making it all new. That He is working for good even when all I see is terrified girls doing what they can to keep them and their children alive, and men that think these people are mere objects that they can purchase and abuse. I’m learning to trust that God has not surrendered this city or these streets or ANY of these people. They are all still His. Trusting that He is still the God of this city. Still in control. Still with full authority. And that He sure will make something incredibly beautiful out of this.

There’s no shadow You won’t light up, mountain you wont climb up- coming after (them).

No wall you kick down, lie you won’t tear down- coming after (them).