July 2017 – J’s Journey

unstoppable

“oh God here am I send me, use me for your glory- I’ll go anywhere, I’ll do anything”

These are the words I have been singing to God for almost a year now, and He took me up on the offer. I recently arrived back to Indonesia and am living at an orphanage. The last ten days have been maybe the hardest days of my life. I wish I was exaggerating, but I’m not. However, that’s not what this post is about because I offered my life to The Lord to use me where He finds most fit, the place that He wants my help with, the people that need to encounter His love. He has brought me to the biggest Muslim country in the world, with the most intense spiritual warfare I have ever experienced, where there’s not a fluent English speaker in sight to talk or connect with. Its hard, there’s no denying it, but I told Him I would go anywhere He needed me, and I am starting to see the purpose behind my time here.

“I can feel the drum of your heartbeat, calling us to be our hands and feet. Rising up with courage in our hearts, to carry out your love to the h a r d e s t and the d a r k”-Lindy Conant

The other day God gave me a picture which has given me a lot of clarity. When this vision started all I saw were wings of an eagle that I knew were God’s. I was underneath the wings where He was fixing me up, dusting me off, and making me look completely new. Then He opened His wings and I flew out as high as I could into the sky, where nothing could stop me – looking more strong and beautiful than ever. He joined me in the sky as we flew all around together. When I was under His wings, it was dark, unknown, and sometimes a little scary. I had no idea what he was doing or what was happening because I couldn’t see anything. I felt completely out of control. He was cleaning, refining, and strengthening me with His strength. Even though the process was messy, confusing, and painful,I would be able to do a lot more and fly higher because of that process. He knows what he is doing, He is not worried, not pressed for time. He takes His time with me to make me the beautiful, strong eagle I was always meant to be, so I can fly with Papa where most don’t dare to go. I can fly with Him, and together we will be unstoppable.

Even though during this season I feel completely in the dark, not having a clue whats happening, what He is doing, or how long ill be here, I can trust that what He is doing in me is good and is for my good. I can trust that His wings are safe like He says they are. I can trust that the process is important so I can become more like Him, strong in Him, and more able to rule with Him than I ever have been. He is stripping away everything I’ve ever known- comfort, food, community, security, control, and safety so that I can become fully reliant on Him, fully satisfied in Him, and fully content with Him despite the circumstances. He is stripping these things away because without them I am stronger, and they won’t be able to hinder me anymore.

“ As I dwell up here where the air is clear. Where the light is bright and there’s no more fear, I know my place, I know my name, I know you’ve called me to great things”- United Pursuit

I now see that through this process and season of hardships, I am going to learn to fight through the spiritual battle. I now see that during this season I will experience things and learn things that will change me forever. My cry is that through this, I grow a sincere, steadfast, and unshakable faith. That as I make it through the suffering and come out on the other side into the light and beauty of the clear sky, I will be unstoppable for the Kingdom. Nothing in the spiritual or physical realm can hinder me.

“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self discipline” 2 Timothy 1:7

So its okay that I am getting attacked because that means that the enemy is upset that the Kingdom is advancing and I’m getting hit because I’m a part of that. So its okay, I’m not gonna stop any time soon. And its okay that in this season I am suffering, physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. I find it a real honor to suffer with Jesus for the sake of the Kingdom. I am learning to genuinely rejoice in the suffering because He is worth it, and its worth advancing the Kingdom even if I am uncomfortable, sad, or lonely. We are all called to carry our cross. To pick up that death instrument and carry it up to the place of execution with Jesus. I had always heard that, but now I realize that I am carrying my cross right next to Jesus. He is in the suffering, what an honor to carry my cross with Him by my side. To partake in that suffering for a little while. To walk through it and say not even the biggest Muslim country in the world can stop me. Not even the roughest conditions can hinder me. Not even complete isolation can impede on the work God is doing in and through me. “After this trip, season, experience, you’ll be unstoppable for the Kingdom” these are the words God has been speaking to me and I believe Him.

“Consider if pure joy, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith produces perseverance” James 1:2-3

“Come what may, I will obey, I find my j o y in bringing you praise” -Lindy Conant

“We will go till the whole world know that Jesus is alive, we will run burning with your love and fire in our eyes” I wont stop, I cant stop.

secret place

Rest. Jesus has been speaking to me a lot about rest lately. In Indonesia He told me that if I don’t slow down I will crash and it won’t be pretty. So I took His advice and took two weeks off in Hong Kong to recover from and process through the last seven months. I needed Jesus to show up in this time because I left my close knit, supportive community from DTS, then I left my crazy amazing Indo team, and then finally I left my extraordinary and loving sisters. I needed Him to be my community, my team, and my friend, and not that this surprises me in any but He did, but not how I expected.

In these last two weeks, I’ve had the most incredible time with Jesus. I have found, or rather He has revealed to me this secret place with Him. It’s the sweet, simple, yet most extravagant place with Him. Where He takes me as I am, where I don’t have to do anything but receive what He has for me. Where I just get to relax and bask in His fiery love for me. It’s where I feel most safe, most known, most loved, and most secure. It’s this place where He and I become one and nothing else in this world matters because we are enough for each other. Where I don’t have to strive, or rush, or worry. Where I can just rest in His arms, at His feet, or in His embrace. Whether it’s laying at His feet for hours listening to His love songs over me, or a rainy rooftop dance party rejoicing in our intense love for each other. In these moments of pure freedom and bliss He makes me feel so special, so loved, so treasured, and so worth His time. I mean how could I not fall more and more in love with Him by the second.

This is the rest that my soul, my body, my mind has been longing for. It’s the rest in His secure love that He is all I need. That He will take care of me. That as much as I want to run around the world sharing His beautiful name, first and foremost I need to simply rest, worship, and soak in His love. I need Him to refill me so I don’t run dry when I’m pouring out.

Guys it’s time we slow down, rest, and receive His mercy and trust that He knows what is best for us. As I head back into full time ministry He is challenging me to make this secret place a lifestyle, a part of my everyday life, because without it I’m going to crash and I won’t be able to pour out His love to others if I don’t let Him pour it out on me first. I now know that this sweet rest is deeply important and I need to make time for it even on the busiest days. It deserves to have priority in my schedule. He deserves to have priority in my schedule, my life, and my heart.

I wanna sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hands lay back against you and breathe, feel your heartbeat.

victory

The other night here in Hong Kong, we marched around the red light district seven times announcing the Kingdom and claiming Jesus’ victory over this place. Over these lives. He is victorious so we are victorious through Him. God has been teaching me a lot about his victory and what that means for us.

A couple weeks ago when I was in Indonesia, my team and I witnessed freedom being spread like never before. Chains breaking, burdens lifting, and captives set free. Now spiritual warfare is a very real thing even though sometimes we westerners like to water it down. It’s real. It’s intense. But it doesn’t have to be scary because we know the Victor. As we traveled from island to island we saw demons, spirits, and curses flee at the name of Jesus, as freedom, life, and truth filled the individuals once bound by darkness. One day during a house visit we got the privilege to pray for a young girl who had some generational stuff going on, and as we were just asking God to bring His kingdom, His perfect, peaceful, loving, and joyous Kingdom, the girl passed out. It was the most beautiful thing as we saw her fall into Jesus’ and simple lay at His feet as He took care of the rest. All she had to do was rest in Him and He did everything else. Isn’t that just so sweet? The rest of us continued to declare freedom over her as we sang hallelujah and amazing grace. It was so evident that we were really in a war, fighting for life. Fighting for freedom. Fighting with Jesus for this individual. And in that moment, heaven opened up, the Kingdom fell on earth as she woke up and immediately lifted her hands to Jesus. All together we celebrated Jesus’ victory through her. We celebrated freedom. We celebrated a new beginning. We celebrated Jesus, and we thanked Him taking it on the cross so she didn’t have to take it on earth. He has overcome.

“I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

We are in a war its true, and we have to fight for the nation, for the city, for the individual, and for ourselves. But we aren’t fighting for victory, but from victory, which makes it exciting since we know the outcome. The battle in America could quite possibly look very different than the battle in Asia, but it doesn’t mean it’s not there. We have a very real and mean enemy that wants to destroy us, but we know the Victor and we can rejoice because we share in His victory over all darkness and evil. And that is the exciting thing.

It is truly such an honor that Jesus trusts me enough to use me as vessel all over the world to help Him set captives free and see freedom reign.

“I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you” Luke 10:19

True

In the last three months I have been to 12 countries, flown on 24 flights, and haven’t slept in the same place for more than 2 weeks at a time. During these travels there have been times when it’s hard to find God, hard to feel Him, and hard to continue honestly. There’s times when direction is the hardest thing to find, and clarity seems non existent. Times when I begin to wonder if this is where I am suppose to be, if this is truly the life God has called me to. But He’s always there pointing me in the right direction, calling me back to Him, and drawing me closer to Him than ever. He is my north, constant and true, never changing and never will. As long as I keep my eyes fixed on Him as He guides my heart to match His heart. His heart for His people, for me, for us all to know Him, for my present, and my future. He shows me time after time that I can rely on Him to be true, to be there as He helps me not be shaken by this wavering world, but held in His unwavering hands, constant in my chasing after true north. He will guide me, shepherd me, all I have to do is follow-open and willing for Him to take me on my wildest adventure yet, whatever it may look like.

God has been teaching me a lot about truth, and my passion for others to know the Truth and His mighty love for them. For people to know their identity in Jesus, that He has taken everything on the cross so we can be free. Free from shame, guilt, fear, and all the hardships from our past. The truth is that we are not meant to carry any of that, it’s too heavy, it’ll crush us, which is why Jesus took it for us. The truth is that God’s love for us is so extravagant, we can’t even fathom it. He is proud of us, proud to call each one of us His child. He brags about us, isn’t that crazy? Before we’ve done anything, He is pleased. The truth is that he is our true north, the one that if we follow Him, we will be led where He wants us which is ultimately closer and closer to Him. A future so great we could not create on our own. A security in Him we could only dream about. The truth is that I’m so in love with Jesus and so in love with this freedom that I cannot keep quiet, I can’t not go. There are so many people out there that don’t know this love, this freedom, this truth; I can’t not tell.

Now I have no idea what this passion will lead to, but He will guide my heart, dreams, and passions, to align with His, and when I need to know, He will make sure I know.

“my times are in your hands…” PS 31:15